So Tired of Anemia and Social Anxiety Disorder

Do you know how much anemia sucks? Well I suppose you might if you've ever been anemic in your life. And I feel terrible for those who have worse cases than my own.

I've been anemic since around the year 2007 ~ maybe even before that I'm not entirely certain. I only know that it got found out after being taken to the hospital in a police car after my mother called 911 when I shoved a bunch of wellbutrin in my mouth. I later spit it out when I went up to my grandfathers where I'm currently living... they wanted to check to see if I'd overdosed.

Apparently I didn't swallow any of the pills. I couldn't since I didn't have any water and on that walk from my mothers to grandfathers I guess I thought it through, I don't really recall.

Anyway they found I was anemic then and had me taking 18mg iron tablets x3 a day for just a month. Apparently my anemia was worse than that... The next year my primary physician had me taking that for the whole year. Well it got worse around 2010 anyway and I had to take 325mg x2 a day. It got better for awhile and she lowered the it to just one tablet, but now I'm back up to two.

I just feel so zapped of enegery a lot of the time. You know, shortly after I'd gotten out of the hospital in 2010 I went to the store with my mother and asked to use one of those scooters as I still felt rather dizzy whenever I was standing/walking... but they wouldn't let me use it since I'm not even 30 yet. The woman was rather rude too... so I had to walk around the huge walmart and every now and then my eyes would start to go dark (I really don't know how else to explain it)... when I was sitting down it was fine and thus why I wanted to use one of those motorized scooter things the store provides. I do know someone who works at walmart and she told me they should have let me use it. I babysit her autistic son when she's at work.

I also suffer from social anxiety disorder so it takes a lot of prompting myself to even get out of the house. It's worse than it used to be... rude people that I've come across too many times I wonder if that just made it worse. But now I'm actually on medication for it... the generic for zoloft. It helps a little I suppose... I go out more often, but I still don't like people approaching me to talk... or having to speak to the cashier although a lot of time I go anywhere my grandfather or mother are usually with me. And if I go in by myself? At least in winter I can wear a jacket with a hood, don't know what it is, but makes me feel a little bit better/safer?

Tell me about your experience with anemia or social anxiety disorder, its always nice to hear from others whom have one or both of these conditions.

Zox: School of Gods Copyright

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ZOX: SCHOOL OF GODS

Copyright © February 2013 by B. E. Cullen

 

 

First Web-Serial Novel Publication: February 2013

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PROLOGUE: FOLLY OF A STORM

 

Beware these Agencies

Not every agency is out to help you, but instead to line their own pockets with gold. There are scammers everywhere and people have been duped through not fault of their own. A scammer is just like that annoying used car salesman, out to get a dollar and you a lemon. However there may be diamonds in the rough in a used car lot, just as there are agencies that are real and true and don't charge you a cent. The only way a good agent gets their pockets lined with gold is if they sell your book to a publisher and the book gets published and sold. They'll take a small percentage of what you make, but they've done their job by helping you.

Paying an agent or agency up front, they might never sell your book and you're out that bit of money that you might have needed in an emergency.

Here's a list of twenty of the worst agencies to be weary of as according to the SFWA THUMBS DOWN AGENCY LIST. That doesn't mean however that there aren't good agents out there, but a good way to keep abreast of the good, the bad and the in-between would be a place like Bewares, Recommendations and Background Checks on Absolute Write Forum.

I know that I was once susceptible to scams, but my family members had an eye for weeding out the suspicious. So I'm always weary of something that goes against the grain. When a number of people, particularly those with far more industry experience than I or anyone I know are gathering together to warn each other and potential future victims of a conman or conwoman a red flag goes up. That is when I delve a bit further into the research and make my own assessment and usually I come out agreeing with those who were trying to be helpful and keep people from being conned.

I've been looking into agents and agencies for the revision of Zox that I'm currently working on, so I'm glad to have found this particular feedback. I'm hoping that others who might not have been aware of it yet, will now find it useful in their own search for an agency.

~ B. E. Cullen

The Long March Up the Mountain of Words: Zox Related

I've just recently reached the 15,000 word mark. I've had to remove a couple of scenes and rearrange one or two from the first draft of Zox: School of Gods and added one that desperately needed to be added to the story. I've finished five chapters and a prologue and am about to start on Chapter Six next. My average word count per chapter is at 2500 words although not every chapter is as long as that, nor is every chapter as short as that. That is but the median of the novel in progress.

Four of the five main characters have made an appearance, albeit some quite briefly. In chapter six however he'll be making his debut. This also happens to be one of my favorite scenes in the story - although I have quite a few favorites in this first book. There's just so much for each of the characters to discover about each other. I'm hoping that readers will be able to feel the emotions of the characters like I do. That in some way each one will be able to identify with one of the characters even if its just their personality or the things they're going through.

I have so many hopes for this story and I dream about it and the characters in it so much. When I'm not writing or reading, I'm daydreaming about them. They've even managed to wheedle their way into my night-time dreams. I've grown to love them and like any mother (that's what I feel like to this story) I want others to know how beautiful my baby (story) is.

Being 20% finished with the manuscripts rewrite I'm feeling more and more confidant and the story's coming alive more than it ever has before. It's more alive then when I wrote the first draft. Maybe its because its been written so much better this time around.

My simple wish is this, that if the story gets published that someone will pick the book up and enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. That it will somehow resonate with them in some way.

Now I'm on my way to 25% which I feel is a big milestone, but the largest milestone I think will be 50% and 100%... because the middle can be a problem... and the end needs to have everything tied up (except for deliberate plot holes that will be tied up in later books of the series.)

Sorry, no blurb today. There was a poor little birdy who caused a power surge earlier this morning.

Milestone: 10,000 words Reached!

Tonight (or this morning depending on how people look at just after midnight) I've reached another milestone. The 10,000 word marker. Actually its 10,200 words, but just as wonderful! I'm metaphorically dancing my tail off, inside my head anyway.

Now had this been a short story, ten thousand words might have been it. This story however cannot be contained within that small of a word count. Nor can it be contained within but a single book. I'm just glad that so far, the words have been flowing easily with little difficulty. For the most part anyway.

I've come to a point where its time to start on Chapter Four, because Chapter Three is done. It feels done and so I've got three chapters and a short prologue complete of my manuscripts second draft. I feel good about it. Much better than I did after reading the first draft. I've been trying to show so much more than tell and so far its working. My story is in third person omnipresent. I only recall of one instance where we're looking at things from a different characters POV. I'm not sure whether to keep that bit, or toss it. I'm leaning toward scrapping it, because it is after all such a small part and other than that we don't see things from his POV.

Still, celebrating 10,000 words just seems like fine. Next is the 25,000 word mark. Here's hoping I can make it in as short a time as possible while writing it as good as possible.

Don't worry too much, I'll still keep a daily up-to-date post per day or at least every other day until the end. This is a journey after all and I want to see where it takes me, where it'll lead. Even if that someplace is nowhere, because then at least I'll know.

Being 13.5% finished is just the boost I need to keep me going with my re-write of Zox. Although once I hit 25% that will make me feel all the more encouraged.

Delight of Delights: Zox Second Draft

Oh delight of delights
my heart doth swoon
the words flowing
and the characters
more and more alive
the story growing
exponentially - Zox

I'm now at 8500 words. It may not be a lot considering I'm aiming for around the 75,000 word mark, but the first draft was 51,000 words so I'm thinking with this re-write I might actually reach my goal - if not exceed it (I'm hoping not too much though). I'm just rewriting it with removing, rewriting or expanding scenes. Adding scenes too that feel like they should be there.

My Manuscript's second draft is 11% finished. I'm excited and want to jump ahead... but that would be foolhardy.

Ronin Lee's name has been changed to Ronin Leigh. Don't ask me why, because my lips are sealed on that one.

The land around the school grounds is starting to take more and more shape. More exotic, more beautiful, more strange. The description is short, but it still helps one to visualize the landscape, though perhaps still leaves one wondering more about it.

I do so love tidbits of information scattered like when the wind scatters the seeds, the wishes of the dandelions. I wonder why people don't use them in salads as much as they used to, or in wine. My grandfather (and my late grandmother) told me so much, so often about these things. I know my cousins rabbit loves dandelions... but that rabbit I swear is part goat.

Now getting back to my beloved Zox: School of Gods, here's a little blurb. I know I'm always vague with only a sentence (maybe two), but I like to think they leave one wondering and trying to figure out what in the world is going on.

Blurb: Two pairs of hands reached up from the surface of the lake.

And for those of you whom would like to read something, I have a flash fiction horror called Black Dogs Howl. It's a free read that I hope someone will enjoy or be inspired by.

Another Day: A Few More Words

I'm happy to inform everyone that the second draft of Zox: School of Gods is still going strong. I've now reached 6800 words. I'll still be working on it more today, but sometimes I need a break from writing. If I'm not writing, I'm reading and if I'm not reading, I'm writing. That or lurking on forums and tumblr and wherever else might take my fancy. If I'm doing none of those, I'm watching some of my favorite shows or starting ones I've not watched before to determine whether or not I like them. I do know my favorite shows of all time are Quantum Leap, Sailor Moon, Torchwood, Doctor Who, Junjou Romantica, Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi and Queer as Folk (US). I've also been known to enjoy Dragon Ball Z, Kim Possible, Monk, Diagnosis Murder, CSI: Miami and Clifford the Big Red Dog.

I seem to be drawn to the numbers 7, 13 and 17. Other numbers too, but those are my favorite, especially 13. Not because I enjoy horror movies - frankly most of them bore me to tears. Unsolved Mysteries, 48 Hours and Mystery Diagnosis are the things which can really get to me - because they're real stories and when they're unsolved and/or mysterious that's when its scary and sad. I feel so much emotion for and over real people - especially those left behind, particularly ones without closure. I often wish and hope and pray that the bodies of the lost will be found and that the culprits will be brought to justice.

Now, getting back to Zox: School of Gods, I'm feeling really optimistic about it. It seems so much better than the first time. Maybe because its going so quickly, or because its written so much better. It's probably not perfect, but I'm hoping it's near enough and that beta readers/editors can give me some feedback on my weak points when I've finished the manuscript.

I was wondering if the title should be changed to Akuro Kikuchi and Yggdrasil... since not every book could be called Zox: School of Gods... because it is a school and that's where the majority of the series takes place, on the grounds of Zox... or maybe something like Zox: School of Gods and Yggdrasil. I guess figuring out a different title can wait till I've finished this second draft and have a couple other people look it over.

I'd love to be able to get to 15% today, but I think I've done well so far to be at 9% instead of stuck at 2%. 

And now the blurb of the day.

Blurb: Even if they told him that he wasn't dreaming, he couldn't find himself believing any of it.